Making Memorial Memories!

My mother-in-law passed away last month.  To celebrate her life we had a small gathering of family at my in-law’s home in northern Washington.  It was simple, sweet, with of course, tears, laughter and lots of hugs.  It reminded me of the celebration we had for my Grandma Thompson.  Family only (50 of us!!), simple, sweet and full of memories.

Memorials can be as simple as ours was a couple of weeks ago or as elaborate as my Mom’s almost 9 years ago.  It doesn’t really matter which you choose or something in between, as most are – you choose which fits for you.  A memorial or funeral is to remember and pay honor to the person who is no longer with us, as well as to share stories and memories about that person, connect with others, laugh, cry, hug, toast, sing, pray, and love.

Now some of you may think what a somber subject this is, but we all have or will have someone we love pass away, and how much better it is to have a few ideas now when your head is clear versus foggy and full of emotion.

For my mother-in-law, the brothers and my father-in-law planned it and the women (me and 2 cousins) executed.  We started off with a toast to Toy (my mother-in-law), followed by words from my father-in-law and then the Hospice Chaplin.  66 years they were married, so you can imagine the emotion of losing your life long partner. As we sat or stood in a circle, everyone was encouraged to share a thought, memory, or a story about Toy.  It is times like this when no matter how well you thought you knew the person (even if it is your Mom), you hear something new.  That is one of the beautiful parts of gathering together.

In order to keep it simple we (really the boys & Dad!) decided to have a variety of meats, cheeses, crackers, nuts, and fruit for everyone to snack on.  Followed by some homemade desserts – buttermilk chocolate cake (thank you to my cousin), raspberry/blueberry cobbler, and chocolate chip cookies.  There was champagne, wine, and water to sip on.  Simple yet wonderful!

We did something similar for my Grandma.  We all met at the assisted living home where Grandma and Grandpa lived (that way Grandpa could be there as well).  We sat around in a circle and just shared memory after memory of Grandma.  Nothing fancy, just sweet times lingering in the memories.  We then followed our sharing with a meal at the assisted living home.  We continued our celebration of Grandma at one of the cousin’s homes later that evening.  Simple yet wonderful too!

Now there was a little more to my Mom’s memorial.  There was a traditional service in a church.  We had to find a church big enough to hold everyone (about 400) because Mom’s church was way too small.  Don’s favorite picture of Mom was blown up poster size.  We had programs printed. My uncle, brother and I along with her pastor, spoke.  A slide presentation played during the reception at the church. We had a caterer for both the reception and  the gathering back at Mom and Don’s home.  The food for the reception was appetizers with wine, punch, etc.  Family and friends were invited back the house to continue sharing sweet memories and have dinner.  Because of the large number of people that came back to the house, we had our caterer prepare different pastas and salads with bread.  Wine, beer, water and sodas flowed.  As you can see, more planning was needed for this memorial. A little more involved yet wonderful too!

3 great women were celebrated in different ways, but all memories and stories of them and their lives were exchanged in each setting, with people who loved them and they loved too.  When planning a memorial, follow your heart as to the way you would want to honor and remember your loved one.

Normally I would close with “Happy Planning”, but today I will close with “Plan from your heart you can’t go wrong”!


“Where ever a beautiful soul has been there is a trail of beautiful memories”
Ronald Reagan


 Here is the cobbler recipe I made for my Mother-in-law’s memorial. Raspberries were in season in the northwest along with blueberries so I added blueberries and doubled the recipe. Enjoy!

 

 

 

Raspberry Cobbler

2-3 cups berries (I always add more)
3 Tbsp shortening (or butter)
1 1/4 cup sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup milk
1 Tbsp cornstarch (I use 2 tbsp – 1 on the topping and 1 on the berries)
1 cup boiling water
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 8×8 pan (if you use more berries I use a slighly bigger pan).Spread berries on the bottom of the pan.  Sprinkle 1 tbsp of cornstarch over berries. Cream shortening and 3/4 c sugar.  Sift flour, baking powder and salt together in another bowl.  Alternately add milk and flour to creamed mixture.  Spread batter over berries. Combine remaining sugar and 1 tbsp of corn starch together and sprinkle over batter. Pour boiling water over all and do not mix.

Bake for 30-45 minutes until golden brown and toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.  Place a cookie sheet on the rack underneath to catch overflow spills. Serve warm or at room temperature.  Serves 6. Serve with vanilla ice cream!  Yummm!!

If you double the recipe – bake 20-30 minutes longer in a 9×13 or large oval dish.

8 thoughts on “Making Memorial Memories!

  1. Pat Thompson Reply

    I’ve been through two of your memories. It is such a blessing to share sad times with family – to tell stories, share hugs and tears and treat on good food. Friends are such an important part of the healing process.
    I know that your Plan Perfekt is about sharing wonderful hints about preparing for and managing the event, but since you brought up funerals/memorial services….may I add a thought???
    I’ve been working on my family tree on and off for the past 20+ years. Oh, how I wish I would have started earlier and wrote the data down when my grandparents were alive!!. If time and opportunities arise, you might talk with family members and preserve what family history you can.
    You and Dave have been in our prayers. Hugs

    • Jill Baker Post authorReply

      Hi Pat – yes you have.
      I couldn’t agree with your comments more. If I haven’t heard Grandpa T’s stories 500 times over my life time! Knew exactly where he was always going, “Did I ever tell you about the time….” “Yes, Grandpa (with a smile)” andr he always proceeded to tell the story again (sometimes with some embellishment). And now for the life of me I can only remember parts of a couple of stories. What I wouldn’t give now to have recorded them either in his own voice or on paper. You are sooooo right.

  2. Lynn Murray Reply

    Family=so very very special, important, unique, treasured, cherished and grateful for, always and forever! No right or wrong way to do it!

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